Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
