UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
