I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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