There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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