what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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