I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
