i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
