Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
where does the pee come out of this thing
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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