Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
