On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
