He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even my vagina gasped.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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