new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize