When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
