omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she peed on how many people?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Of course I have a pirate flag
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
