peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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