What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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