when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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