I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
