He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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