I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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