He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
