Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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