The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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