Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
