Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
