moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
