OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize