Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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