weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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