i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
