My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
pop tarts are not kleenex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
