so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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