I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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