overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
