Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize