There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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