At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
