just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
