I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
