I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
