oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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