I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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