I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
