...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
