I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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