I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
