he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
