So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
