What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
