I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
