every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Randomize
