You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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