five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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