You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am naked and annoyed.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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