your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
