His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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