I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
