god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
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Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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