we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
