That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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